im worthless

my blogs proberly triggering i dont care|die bitch die|

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"

see, i felt like
there was a big fucking hole
right in my chest
a shadow i could not
outdistance

see, i made jokes all the time
because i was already so bruised
why not make myself
the punchline

see, i’m one of those
“burn out in the glory of fire”
types, always the
funny man, always
quick with a smile,
always full of liquor
by the end of the night

nobody even noticed
when i wanted
to die

"

- you can’t hurt me worse than i’ve already hurt myself, my love // r.i.d (via inkskinned)

"

My best friend held me shaking in her arms as I begged her not to call 911, not to tell my parents. “I’ll be okay,” I promised through a trembling voice. To this day I still see shadows of the terrified expression she wore flash across her face whenever I seem anxious. When I slept over her house, she kept the medicine cabinet locked.

My mother had to pick up extra hours to afford my therapy. She came home each night with dark circles growing under her eyes like bruises. The only difference is that bruises eventually go away. When she brought me into work with her one night, all of her clients knew my name.

I met a boy who I shamelessly told all of my problems to. His back was breaking from the weight of my confessions and telling them to him didn’t even make it hurt any less. He’s in my gym class this year, and he only got a score of fourteen on the push up test. I think my heart stopped for a minute when he told the teacher it was because he has a bad back.

The people who love me tell me and when I stay silent they pretend it doesn’t hurt. I know it does because I know hurt. I’ve been hurt and I’ve hurt. Don’t you dare try to tell me I’m not a burden.

"

- I’m finally figuring out how to keep it all inside (via lamebby)

(via broken-from-memories)

put on so much weight ew ew ew